Writers Blockage

Posted: February 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

I have spent the last couple months not writing online, however in my journal. New stories to come shortly I reckon.¬† Thank you everyone for the kind comments ūüôā


Insomniac Jabber

Posted: October 5, 2010 in Memoirs of a Kyle
Tags: , , ,

My laptop says 4:12 am, and by now I’ve lost all function of thinking. My thoughts fell adrift and my anchoring eyes feel mummified . “Why must they always play this Extenze infomercial? And who the fuck is Jimmy Johnson? What an awful celebrity to endorse your cock growing scam, Extenze. There are actually men in this world who watch this particular commercial and fall for what their selling. I suppose I should feel blessed i wasn’t born with a small dick.

4:36 am- The lack of sleep is nothing new as I am pretty much on extended vacation until December. I’m living this sort of life where I have no actual responsibility. It’s been a positive and negative experience and something I would never recommend. Somebody who worked since he was 16, it was hard to adapt to not having a schedule. I’ve always lived by structure and organization. Making money to fuel my existence. But instead I’ve been given a chance to take a break from the repetitious world and well.. do whatever the fuck I want. ¬†Experiencing new music, catching up on movies, blogging, or mapping of my future. I feel like a teenager all over. ¬†It’s sort of rad..

4:48 am – I’m sitting outside and listening to Sia “Breath Me,” while scoping out the hilarious neighborhood that I’m entitled to live in. The night only whispers of a breeze as everyone sleeps. Recycling bins all outside, giving a blue domino effect down my street. I can only imagine how they feel having a single, young man living in the Brady Bunch hood? ¬†These people are very serious about keeping up with the joneses. lawns are admirably crafted. Kids skipping around while frolicking in the dirt or having tea parties. Perhaps having insomnia stems from this new world I’ve entered? I’m a city boy, who feels calmed by sirens and car alarms. The idea of a world that is entirely too calm, gives me heightened anxiety.

5:03 am – I’m patiently awaiting the first natural alarm of bird to chirp. I figure that by now I will stay up in hopes that I can sleep early later this evening after Glee. Perhaps putting myself on a better schedule. One of my closest friends Russ has officially moved out of the house. He has left me behind to fend off these Christian suburbanites alone. I too, think this is why i have been struggling to sleep. Him and I have lived together for almost two years and if anything, he ¬†and I became close. The genuine loner, with a bald head and a constant smirk. It’s felt similar to a boyfriend breakup in some degree. But often time change is the ¬†best thing and wish him luck in life as we both are going down new paths. I’ll miss the times he’d make me coffee and sing Spice Girls “2 become 1” on his guitar though. *Swoon!

5:22 am – ¬†I am sort of enjoying this new approach of rambling on about irrelevant things that don’t tie together tonight. Or ¬†anything involving my kidney disease. I’ve decided to take a step back on writing about the issue 1) I started to write about it to educate people, and instead I think I opened Pandora’s Box. I’m pretty burnt out discussing ¬†my kidneys. People who inquire about my health get a very scripted explanation, due to the frequency. However, when I hung out with the Seattle friends, ¬†I could hear myself becoming bored explaining dialysis. My voice became tiresome and they seemed distressed and more confused. Perhaps I’m getting sloppy? Perhaps I don’t give a fuck ūüôā

5:58 am – I suppose it’s always a good sign to fall asleep when the Married With Children theme song begins. This show is entirely too nostalgic to not cozy up in my tie blanket and attempt to drift to a finalized slumber. ¬†Good Morning & Goodnight !


The Dudes Walk

Posted: October 4, 2010 in Funny Videos
Tags: , , ,

I’ve talked to this guy before about this video. It’s pretty fucking inspirational.

“damn you vexed phone alarm,” I announce as I push the snooze bottom. Annoyed that I have yet to modify the annoying siren that prods me from my comfortable deep unconsciousness. The sound is similar to when your 8-bit Nintendo game would freeze up and make that awful obstructed alert. If only I could blow on my Blackberry to prevent it. My lazy prejudice in changing the tone stems from the fact I hate change and its effective enough for now.

As I roll off the bed and adjust my morning wood, I reflect on the dreams I’ve had as of late. And oddly enough a majority of them involve Angelina Jolie? Which gives me reason to believe she’s my soul mate. However, the dreams usually involve us cooking or feeding ducks by the pond (very anti-climactic) as a lascivious fantasy would be more erotic with my favorite Tomb Raider. Perhaps the older I get, the lack of imagination my dreams become.

This particular morning I vividly remember dreaming of graduating college with honors. “Leisure studies, I’m sure” I think. ¬†I quickly glance at my Blackberry and take note that my bus leaves in 20 minutes. I instantaneously dismiss my dream analysis and gather my belongings so I can make my 7:30 am Dialysis run. ¬†I didn’t have time to brew my mundane Folgers coffee. Due to my lack of time management I knew my coffee bean fix would result in me being one unpleasant bitch. As I trotted along to meet my bus, I could feel my coffee withdrawals kick in. The idea of ¬†having to spend the next 15 minutes with the cast of To Catch a Predator, caused me much defeat… or clearly that was cause my fuel tank of caffeine was on empty.

As I assemble my ass on the bus and greet the female bus driver with a monotone mumble. I take a quick glance of her STA coffee mug which caused much distress as I thought “What if i was just to grab it and run?” … ¬†But such a fantasy retired instantly as I took note that she looked quite disheveled herself and looked like an “Irish Cream.” type of gal. not my fortey, nor a reason to be X’ed from the STA. I slip on my tunes and prepare for another day of cleansing of my body. In order to construct a positive attitude for my dialysis avocation, I put on the same Britney Spears song every morning; ” Ooh Ooh Baby”. The songs stadium sporting vibe gets me all pumped and positive for what is a caffeine deprived morning ūüôā

I make my way into the Pines Dialysis center and direct myself to my designated lime green recliner. Sitting in this piece of cheap plastic is often the only complaint I have in terms of having to face dialysis. I toss, I turn and my back literally sticks to the pleather for what is four hours of hell. I often bitch to the nurses that a nice vibrating recliner made of Chinchilla would be all but appropriate considering their bitch asses aren’t the one’s facing the challenge of the lime green Pee Wee Herman chair. Often times they reply with a giggle and a “oh Kyle!”… But, I’m dead serious. You don’t see me laughing girl? ¬† But in all honesty and joking aside, I’ll take what I can get. If sitting in a comfortless chair helps me stay healthy. Then I’ll take that any day.

My favorite technician Elyse prepares the needles for entry as I try to distract myself by watching the Kardashian marathon on E!. I’m unsure of their popularity, but for fuck sakes they have a witchery behind their charm. I was enchanted to the television as if I was waiting for the Power Ball winning numbers. And the fact that Khloe Kardashian seems to have an adams apple and a bulge, just adds to the drama that this show possesses. Regardless of the staged reality show that is overall awful. It helped distract me from those painful needless slipping into my fistula. And for that I thank you Kardashians… Well, except Khloe (tranny alert)

So here begins the best part of being a young man amongst a group of elderly people. It’s called the “Crunch hour”. Something I have clearly created as the experience alone is just uncanny. To explain such a thing is lackluster as only by witnessing/hearing it can you fully appreciate the crazy world i have been subjected too for the past few months.

“Crunch, Bite, Champ, Chaw, Grind, Chew, Chomp, Gnaw, Masticate, Munch, Ruminate, Scrunch…” ¬†All words that can best describe the noise that furnish my ear drums as I sit during my run. I glance around the room, with 19 chairs, with 19 people and take note that everybody has a cup full of ice. Like carnivores, there shredding through ice chips like something gruesome you watch on Animal Planet. ¬†At one point even watching a very overweight man i nicknamed “Coyote Ugly”.. well, because John Goodman was in it.. and well, he is overweight. (clever? perhaps not)… anyway.

I watched Coyote Ugly take down ice cubes like he was playing Chubby Bunny with marshmallows. My mouth had clearly dropped in aww as I didn’t understand the logistics to what the fuck was happening? I did remember taking notice of the ice dispenser machine that lied nearby. Was I missing something? Perhaps I was still dreaming and at any minute Angelina Jolie was going to saunter in with a basket of muffins so we could discuss child labor laws? But then it hit me..

I too have been eating ice cubes like an addict. I couldn’t explain the reasoning, besides perhaps enjoying the brain freeze that follows. I suddenly then went into investigative mode and ¬†became Encyclopedia Brown slash Nancy Drew. I was going to solve this case. It had become a little unnerving as my questions needed answered.

“Nurse, i have a question that is bothering me,” I express in my investigative tone, that oddly came off sounding like Carol Channing to my ears lol .

“Kyle, with kidney failure you are also anemic¬†and iron deficient honey. It’s a decrease in the normal number of red blood cells and hemoglobin in your blood” she said with confidence. “Science can’t explain why, but a huge symptom of being anemic is craving ice cubes. Hydrating oneself by doing so and also one gets a gratification from the crunch and texture of the cubes”

….. I delay in my response and listen in complete awww of this new revelation. “Kyle, I would also like to add that since your ¬†body struggles by retaining too much fluid, you must only drink an equivalent to two “venti” sized amount of fluid per day (40 oz). So by sucking on ice cubes, it helps hydrate you without going over your limit.” By now the nurse is just bragging of her knowledge on the issue as I slowly grow frustrated as i lusted for the bottle of Riesling I had waiting at home that I had prepared to drink later that evening.

Nonetheless, this new challenge is quite humorous and I’ve learned to adapt well. My freezer is nothing but full of Otter Pops and Ice cubes as this will keep me on the right track to staying healthy and getting that kidney that awaits me on the horizon.

“Hello, I’m Kyle… and I’m an “Anemic Cruncher,” !!! ¬† Breakthrough


Quick little post of excitement –

Just received a phone call from the Kidney Transplant Committee who said “kyle are you sitting down?” … “why yes I am,” i lied as I nervously sipped my Pumpkin spiced Americano. ¬† ” You’re officially on the KIDNEY transplant list !!!

Cheers to a great day of good news!


Cheers to Seattle

Posted: September 28, 2010 in Memoirs of a Kyle

Thank you all for showing me a wonderful time !!!  I love you all xoxo

Here is the experience of kidney dialysis for me.