Posts Tagged ‘Real Housewives of Spokane’

As culture goes it is very rare for gay househusbands to hang out. Maybe due to the lack of trust in their partners? Monogamy being truly tested within the househusband(s) allowing their attractive muses to leave the nest?  9/10 it’s just hysteria within their own subconscious. Insecurity when they ream “why do you have to hang out with them.. ALONE?” in a tone that deems suspicious. Assuming that us real housewives have an arterial motive of fucking on the brain. If we as a gay race are trying to delete social stereotypes. Then? We should start within our culture. I’d say.

It was a Monday morning. The weather overcast as it whispered sweet nothings to my eyes. “Sleep in sweet man. It’s your day off.” in a voice i’ll pretend was Queen Latifah.  The crust in my eyes making it uncomfortable to watch as Kathie Lee goes on yappin about the Kardashian backlash. Slightly tuned out by my wrestles neighbor upstairs and the beeping of the coffee maker. Feeling the sharp pain as falling asleep on the couch has become a real nuisance lately. I grab my phone and pick the eye boogers out while reading my texts. Neurotically rolling them in balls by fingers as suddenly it occurred to me. “FUCK.. I have my Housewives in a couple of hours.” *Flick*

Four men. All four in relationships that are fairly domesticated. Four different personalities coming as one. To well? Become friends. Dive a little deep in our social bag as such has been lacking as of late. Something I feel all wives could agree on. Just a Monday afternoon of alcohol and board games. Such a thing feeling relatively innocent as men get along socially than woman. And the excitement to meet new friends seems to be the best high at my old age. Not having many gay friends, myself, I was absolutely prepped for this adventure. Champagne….check! .. Green party favors… check!

I’m greeted at the door by V. A young native of Hawaii with incredibly attractive dark features. He’s the  Gabby of our group. Also the one who set this pow wow in flight. V voice purrs when he talks as I always think he’d make a great Catwoman. He’s delights in his charm and making one feel welcome.  Luckily for me V takes the reigns of a lot of social events too. Which makes breaking the ice with others, oh so smooth. Clearly such a strength stemming from his career as an Event Coordinator . I really am grateful I have V as a friend. He has been honest and kind always. Even during days that I may be stand-offish or physically clocked out. V with his vivaciousness  again confirms how “Good this will be for me.”.  Maybe due to my recent hermit phase? Watching as my days slip away and my history lies in purgatory.


V and I prep as we unravel our bought goodies and prepare for the other wives. Joking about our cheap champagne and what to anticipate. I decide within moments that I was going to get drunk. A luxury I rarely defied in. Not like, shit tanked where I’m foolish. But a good buzz to help butter the social anxiety I was facing. The older I get the lack of witty & engaging charm sweats from my pores. Sometimes I come off relatively distant to folks. When in reality i’m just watching. Observing while preparing to write  about you without consent 🙂

We are interrupted by a soft knock. As if knocking in code, i think as V nearly parawets to the door in childlike anticipation. Smiling as our new guest puts the Housewives meeting in order.” It’s official” i say. “Let the 1st Annual Housewives Meeting begin.” Only one more to go.

Within the cold lies Quiet J. Hair flowing from face and head in perfect sync with the wind gust. Striking blue eyes staring back with a smirk. I look down and take notice of his basket of baked goodies. Quiet J is the Bree of our group. A man who’s overall presence fascinates me as he comes off..well? quiet (Hence the nickname). Not your complete mute that would make such a presence uncomfortable. But, I relate to his actions. He watches. Observes too. Catch him on a drift and he’s passionate and witty with comments. I can only imagine that this man has lots of great stories. Perhaps, like me, it just takes awhile to hammer at his wall.

“Boys, I made some goodies,” said with a glow. V and I already eye fucking the basket while licking our chops. Assuming such goods have pheromones leaking as I prepare to spray. We make our way to the basement. Sitting in a circle as we await out last guest. Pouring mimosas and refilling while divulging in some greenery. Coughs heard in rotation as we three begin drifting in our weed fueled comma. I look around and smile. I love these guys already.

Random, funny banter coming from the mouths of 3.4 housewives as our eyes lie heavy. Relaxing as the bubbles make their way to our heads. V proudly announcing that “4 attractive gay men CAN hangout without drama”. Me silently saluting his brilliant idea of our club. Wishing that a pizza would arrive along with the 4th wife on her way.

“Hey guys.” we hear. Standing at the foot of the stairs stands J. An All-American boy with the attractive features to boot.  A smile incredibly infectious as he eyes the scene. Which I imagine is funny considering we have started without him. Feeling the buzz as I politely veer him to the champagne in offering. V being the organized one greets with the pipe. “Teamwork”! – J is the Lynette of our group. This being because out of all he has two MEN to take care of. Quite a big task I can only imagine. But most indubitably a cute trifecta of partners 🙂  . I admire people who go for what they like. No pussy footing. Love doesn’t restrict to just two individuals.  Love is something you follow when it clicks. No matter how it’s offered.

As J settles into his new settings. It occurs to me that like The Planeteers. Our group feels complete. J being the cherry on the top.  What a gift to finally get to know these men on a friendly level. Allowing myself the ability to make new friends and feel disarmed. Such a similar event seems to have occurred decades ago. We begin our gluttony by consuming in more alcohol and weed. Occasionally making the cigarette pit-stop outside. However, only lasting moments as we are pitted to war by the cold.

Hours slip by and my champagne buzz heightens. The afternoon was a complete success. Only anticlimactic as this was our first get together. I’m sure there’s a lot of barriers one goes through for full comfortable. Yet, innocent fun as board games were played and laughs were had.  Still lots to get to know, i think. As I survey the goodbyes. Sitting in the garage with lit cigarettes being smoked in a endurable manner. I effin love these guys.

“Till next time fellow Housewives!” – Susan

K